Fairy Tail of Magnolia
by LaxusPlayer
Summary: Jellal is feeling a bit down on Christmas Eve, so a drunken Laxus and Gildarts take it upon themselves to show him the true meaning of Christmas Cheer by getting him the girl.


Fairy Tail of Magnolia

_A/N: With a belly full of alcohol and a spirit full of Christmas Cheer I present to you the first Christmas fic on my list; one involving copious moaning and complaints from Laxus and Co whilst singing Fairy Tale of New York by the Progues (the best Christmas song of all, full of hatred and Irish). Thoughts are in italics. Enjoy..._

"It was Christmas Eve babe...!"

"Shut up Laxus."

"Iiiinnnnn the drunk tank!"

"I said shut up!"

"An old man said to me..."

"I swear to god I'll fucking kill you."

"Won't see another one!"

"Gldarts stop encouraging him!"

"And then they sang a soooong!"

"I shit you not both of you are going to die!"

"A rare old mountain dew!"

"Seriously shut the fuck up right now..."

"I turned my face away..."

"That's it; you're getting your neck broken!"

"AND DREAMED ABOUT YOUUUUUUU!"

"You'll be doing a lot of dreaming in the comas I put you in!"

The duo laughed as they finished the drinks in their hands. "Aww c'mon Jellal; its Christmas!"

The ex-convict glared at both of them. "So what?! It's just another day on the calendar where I get to be depressed as hell because I'm a piece of shit."

"But...the presents?!" Gildarts offered before falling off his stool. Unlike his daughter his alcohol tolerance was barely above average, meaning that keeping up with the two younger men was neigh on impossible for him.

Jellal continued his glare. "Well everyone can stick them up their collective arses! I'm done with Christmas and I'm done with this festive shit all together!"

As he got up to leave Laxus grabbed him by the arm. "Woah woah woah! Woah! Woah! Woah woah woah! Wo-..."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT YOU DRUNKEN IDIOT?!"

"...Hi he he he." The blonde said before breaking into a fit of laughter.

Jellal seemed to be the only person who hadn't become a fully fledged alcoholic that night. "Just let go of me! I'm going back to my cave...oh what now?!"

Laxus' face sobered up and Jellal felt a serious piece of advice coming. "Dude...you need to get laid more! You're such a fucking downer!"

"God dammit Laxus just let me go!" The blue haired man sighed before realising that even drunk, the blonde's grip was too strong to just be brushed off. "_Even with all that alcohol in him he's a pain in the ass..._"

"Pikachu has a point!" Gildarts offered from the floor, unable to stand but fully capable of speech.

"Damn right I do Knuckles! Jellal; you still have a thing for Erza right?!"

The heavenly wizard blushed. "Ok now I'm definitely leav-..."

"So that's a yes then!" Laxus grinned. "Why don't you just go ask her out?!"

Once again, Jellal sighed. "Because I'm nowhere near good enough to be with her! We've been over this man; I'm a terrible person and she's...well she's perfection."

Laxus blinked. "You pussy ass piece of shit." Jellal shot him a death glare while Gildarts laughed some more. "So you, like, fucked up a bit. I...fucking...done goofd befores! Doesn't mean I'm a...fucking...slunt like you!"

"What does that even mean...?"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh!" The lightening mage put a finger on his friend's mouth. "Shh! Lets just go and ask her out for you!"

"...Have you listened to anything I've just said?"

"No cos I don speaks bitch he he he!"

"Once again your stupidity amazes me."

Gildarts staggered to his feet. "Yeah but let's face it; even with all those brains you can't even get a girl that you like."

"Point A: How can you speak clearly?! Point B: AM I TALKING TO A FUCKING WALL?!" Jellal groaned as he felt another one of their hair brained schemes come to life. These never ended well, especially when both of them were drunk off their tits.

"I know man; let's make a deal! You into deals Jepal?!"

"It's Jellal you mentally deranged psychopath and no, I'm not any more."

"B-but you're Jellal...a-and my pal! Get it?"

"I see what you did there Laxy!" Gildarts yelled and they fist pumped, creating a shock wave that blew the windows out of the pub.

It was times like this that Jellal knew how Scar felt. "I'm surrounded by idiots..."

Leaning on one another for support, Laxus and Gildarts both pointed towards the now cringing man. "So yeah; if you ask Erza out, we'll both do something back. Deal you seal?"

"...How is that even an insult?!" He asked before resigning himself to this fate. Despite their drunkenness he had no illusions that the two could kick his ass all the way into next week. "_May as well make the most of this then..._" "Ok then Gildarts; I say you have to Natsu to every Christmas show and parade in the city tomorrow."

The crash magician paled. "You drive a hard bargain sometimes..."

"And you Laxus..." He turned to the now laughing dragon slayer, "You have to man up to and ask Mira out on a date!"

The blonde just stared back at him. "I would but c'mon man, pretty sure I iz not her type-..."

"SHE HAS A FUCKING SHIPPING WALL WITH YOU AND HER FACES ON IT IN A LOVE HEART, OF COURSE SHE WANTS YOUR D!"

"...Jeez ch-chill man! Ok fine, I'll see do what I can see, but youuuu have to come get the redhead!"

Jellal looked stunned. "B-b-but you're not supposed to agree to this! You're supposed to say 'fuck that, let's round another get' or something special like that!"

Laxus raised his glass, "Good idea buddy! Drinks for everyone!" The rest of the people in the bar cheered and collected up on their free drinks. Thankfully Laxus was rich enough to afford this tab, which probably would have bankrupted most people in the guild. After finishing his drink he staggered to the door. "Now c'mon douche McPooch; let's go get em!"

_-After a drunken stagger onto Erza's estate-_

"Explain to me again why the hell I'm doing this?"

"Because of Christmas Cheer Jepal! Christmas Beer! And cheer!"

"I think it's mostly the beer on this occasion..." He mumbled before picking Gildarts up from the ground yet again. The usual five minute walk to Erza's house had taken the trio about an hour and a half because of this very reason in fact. Well, that and because Laxus kept dragging them into pubs for even more drinks.

Speaking of which... "Is there any pubs around ere?"

"Even if there was I'd not let you in them. You're almost paralytic as it is."

"Aww Jepal! Why are you such a fucking downer?!"

"S'ok Laxy Paxy pudding n pie; I got these before!" He produced two bottles containing a liquid that Jellal was certain was illegal in at least twelve different countries.

Not that Laxus cared. "Gildy the Buildy my man! Now that's what I call Christmas Spirits. Ahee hee hee..." They each took a swig of their respective bottles before collapsing against a lamp post.

Before they started sing 'I got you babe!' Jellal clamped his hands over their mouths. "Ok now shut it, both of you! You'll wake the whole damned street up!"

Right on schedule the lights went on in Erza's apartment and her blue-haired admirer had to shove his two drunken friends into a bush to get out of sight.

"Who's out there?! Show yourself!" She yelled, coming to the door.

Jellal took and drank the rest of Laxus' spirit for good measure. "That's the spirit kid!"

"Literally he he." Laxus agreed before they both received a sharp hit to the head. "Oww! S'not cool Jep-..."

"Say that again and I will end you!" Jellal whispered.

"So you're hiding in the bush are you? Come out now and tell me what you want!"

"He he she wants you Jep-Jebro he he." Laxus snickered before spotting Mira making her way outside to join her. "...kinda had this coming didn't I?"

"Yep." Jellal said through gritted teeth. "Now look; I can use some sleeping magic on them both while we go and esca-...LAXUS WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Good evening ladies!" He shouted, staggering to his feet and out of the bush. "Just been having a little pep talk with my buddies here."

Erza looked puzzled while Mira allowed her eyes to wander up and down his body. It's not like he hadn't ripped most of his clothes, leaving very little to the imagination. "Who's with you?!"

Laxus grinned. "Funny you should ask bunny..." Using his insane drunken strength he hoisted Jellal and Gildarts out of the bush. "Ta dah!"

"_Oh so now the crazy bastard can talk straight!_" The heavenly mage glowered at his drunken companion before straightening up. "I...erm well you see...uh...here's the thing..."

Erza just stood there in complete shock. "Je-Jellal...what are you...?"

"He's gonna ask you for sex!" The Master of Tact boldly stated, causing Erza to blush beetroot red and Jellal to take and finish Gildart's bottle. "Oh yeah and while I'm here Mira, we're doing Christmas shit together tomorrow."

"W-what sort of...shit?!" She stuttered, still looking at the huge tear in the lower half of his shirt.

He stumbled over to her, took her by the hands and kissed her before pulling away with the comment "Use your imagination." It was the wink that caused her to faint, much to the Thunder God's delight.

Gildarts meanwhile decided to make sure his sober buddy paid up. "Well Laxus has done his part; time to make good on yours." He shoved the younger man towards his would-be-lover before finding a wall to be sick against. Laxus staggered over to help him. They were good bros.

"Erza I assure you that..." Jellal began before stopping and face palming. "The hell am I even doing here man?! I should've told them I was busy tonight in the first place!"

Erza looked at the two strongest men she'd ever met who were barely managing to stand up. "I'm guessing this wasn't your idea?"

"What gave that away?" He replied sarcastically before untangling himself from her. "I'm not even sure how they are alive considering all the alcohol they've drunk, but somehow once again they've managed to screw me over. On Christmas Eve no less."

Titantia laughed. "Well I think its almost sweet that they care about you enough to try and get you a girl." Glancing over to them once again she added, "Well, almost..."

This somewhat lightened the mood and Jellal let out a small laugh. "You should've seen them at the last pub! Singing Christmas Carols and songs all the time and buying rounds for everyone. I think they are literally the definition of Christmas Cheer."

"I doubt they will be when they find out how much they spent." She snickered in response before locking eyes with him. "So...what was the actual deal then?"

It was Jellal's turn to blush now. "Oh...just something stupid about making me ask you out...what?!"

He noticed her sly grin and stopped. "Well Jellal; a deal's a deal right? And have they paid up?"

"Gildarts will tomorrow I expect unless his hangover decides to kill him, but Laxus did by asking Mira out." The unconscious girl groaned at that comment. "That went pretty much as expected..."

"I guess it's your turn then." An onlooker who saw the two would have thought they were battling it out for who could have the deepest blush. So far Jellal was in the lead by two shades, but Erza was catching up fast. "Go on...ask me!"

"Y-you sure?" He stuttered. "Well...I guess here goes...Erza..."

"START SUCKING HIS DICK!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP LAXUS!"

"Eyyyyyy!"

"Would you...I mean if it's ok with you...would you..."

"CUP THE BALLS WHILE YOU'RE DOING IT?!"

"FUCK YOU TOO GILDARTS!"

"He heeeeey!"

Jellal sighed and decided it was best just to ask before any more comments were offered. "Look will you go out with me?!"

"Yes."

"Yeah that's cool too, I mean...W-W-WHAT?!" He jumped back in surprise.

"I said yes you idiot!" Erza yelled at her brand new boyfriend.

Jellal, yet again, was in a comatose state of shock. "But I...Tower of Heaven...friends...evil..."

"Well it's not like I don't have baggage too..." She quipped before pulling him in for a kiss just as the bells rang in the nearby cathedral to signal the start of Christmas Day.

Laxus and Gildarts obviously took the opportunity to sing "AND THE BOYS OF THE MAGNOLIA CHOIR WERE SINGING 'GET IN JELLAL'! AND THE BELLS ARE RINGING OUT FOR CHRISTMAS DAY!"

The new couple looked at the pair who proceeded to collapse laughing and congratulating one another on a job well done. They couldn't help but join in. When they finished Jellal turned to his girlfriend with the first genuine smile on his face he'd had in years. "Merry Christmas Erza."

She smiled back and replied "Merry Christmas Jellal." before pulling him back in for another kiss.

_A/N: So I have no idea how this turned into a Jerza fic but it did. I also have no idea how I managed to find the keyboard today, or indeed my way back home from wherever I ended up last night. Hope you all enjoyed it :) Read, Review and Recommend :)_


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